Disturbingly All Too Common….

When I started this blog a few days ago, it was after accidentally stumbling over a video clip on Reddit.  The clip was of a young Malaysian mother abusing her baby. I watched in horror as the woman repeatedly hit her baby girl with a cushion and cell phone, even going so far as to kick the child in the ribs a one point.

It was tragic and heartbreaking to see this months old baby reach out to her mother, only to be slapped or shoved away. Warning: If you haven’t seen this video, please do so with extreme caution.  It is not for the faint of heart or young children.  This clip has gone viral and can be found on Youtube, Facebook, and other lesser known sites.  To view, type in key phrase “Malaysian Woman Beats Baby” or similar key phrases.

After viewing this clip and working through high degrees of anger and depression, I wondered about the future of this baby girl.  I wondered if it would be a complete surprise if she grew up to be an abusive mother herself.  I also considered that it would not come as a complete shock if she managed to find herself a victim within her adult relationships as well.

Just as important, I wondered about the other children in the clip.  Who where they, and what kind of damage might they have.  Are they little boys who will someday be men thinking that it’s  okay to beat and rape women?

These are the questions that bear asking when considering why violence happens, and why people are unable to walk away from violent relationships.

Honestly, I think interpersonal violence is a matter of parents simply repeating what their own parents did to them….and so on back through family history.  It is always sad for me when I hear people say “my mother slapped me across the face and it didn’t do me any harm….in fact, I’m sure I deserved it.”  Or, “my father whipped my ass and I’m better for it.  I don’t know what I did to deserve it…..but I musta done something.”

These justifications generally come from people who have anger management problems, can’t seem to hold down a job for more than a year or two, drink/drug excessively, and have poor relationships with their own children.

These justifications generally come out of the mouths of people who think that small, fragile children sometimes deserve to be whipped, pinched, slapped, verbally abused and more.  The same kind of people that think that small children “sometimes” deserve to be treated less humanely than the family dog.  It makes zero sense that a parent would strike their child with a belt…..yet NEVER in a million years strike their dog in the same manner.  Usually, “sometimes” is because of some small infraction that is really more about the parent not paying close enough attention to the child- than because the child is being just that…..a child.  It is because of a desire to control through force and fear, rather than by understanding and age appropriate, NON-VIOLENT enforcement of boundaries.

When these former victims of child abuse grow up and continue to engage in violent relationships as either victim or abuser, all too often I hear “it’s her fault that she stays…she can leave any time”  and “I didn’t raise my son to hit women.”   This video clip clearly says otherwise.  It shows perfectly that violence is taught when people are most vulnerable, when they are too young to know better.  It shows very clearly whose fault it is when a woman stays with a man who beats her…..why a man kills his wife in a jealous rage.

While this clip is on the extreme end the spectrum, it clearly shows the reason why we have violent people in society.  It’s because somewhere along the line, people learn that love and violence go hand in hand, or that violence is the solution to a problem.  It is through a survival mechanism called dissociation that these little victims learn to turn off pain and emotion, enabling them to continue living a life filled with violence either as a victim or abuser.

In observing the baby in this clip, I feel the utmost sympathy and compassion for her.  I can also see exactly why she would make a perfect victim for a domineering man in the future.  I can absolutely see her doing the same things to her own children…..if she never receives therapy and learns proper parenting skills.  Are YOU so blind that you can’t see the same things?

Lastly, what I’d like to know is whose fault will it really be if that innocent, precious baby grows up to beat her own children someday.  Is it her mother’s fault?  Or, is it the fault of a society that looks everywhere else but at the true source…..GENERATION AFTER GENERATION OF POOR PARENTING SKILLS!