Darwin’s Theory of Evolution

There are some that believe bullying and aggressive behaviors against others are merely Darwin’s theory of evolution in effect.  In a nutshell? I understand this philosophy to broadly mean that people of advantage are more evolved than people of disadvantage.

Personally, my theory of evolution and survival of the fittest are based on the intangible.  In a nutshell?  Evolution on an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual level are more accurate to what the true meaning of evolution should be.

Emotionally- we should feel compassion and empathy for others.  Intellectually- we should strive to learn where we are ignorant or uninformed.  Spiritually- we should realize that the human race is very, very, VERY small in that not a single person alive is any “bigger” or “better” than the other in the grand scope of the UNIVERSE.

If a person can’t evolve past the point of bullying, aggression, and other primitive behaviors then they are little more than a neanderthal.  We all know what happened to neanderthals.  They went the way of dinosaurs and other extinct species………

Is THIS Abuse? Yes or No?

If In Doubt……..

Discussing Dissociation

Many times I get asked what abuse is.

I understand this question, and the need for that question because many of the dissociative survivors who I speak with grew up in such chronically abusive homes that abuse was normal.   Normal is just normal to them.  What I would define as abuse was their norm, their everyday, their usual, their expected.  And once abuse is “just how it is”, it becomes tricky and confusing to learn where actual abuse – physical, sexual, emotional abuse – starts and stops.

It gets even more confusing when the person that is being abused has a genuine relationship with the abusive person.  Having genuine care for someone may give the abuser extended grace, or extra permission, or repeated forgiveness for the inappropriate actions they did.  What about when the abuser’s behaviors are gentle, or appear as loving, or are done in the guise of helping…

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Open Letter To Stephanie Lizon

It is true, I don’t know you.  But, if what I read in the news about you is true -that you are a battered woman- I can relate.  I spent nearly twenty years (during the prime of my life) with men who were violent.  That said, I can understand the fear and insecurity you feel if your situation is in any way similar to mine.

As is the case with many battered women, I had a child with my last abuser.  As is the case with many battered women, I thought that if I stayed my son’s father, my son would have the advantage of living in a two parent home.   This way of thinking had been indoctrinated in me to believe that a child stood the best chance in life by having two parents.  It was when my son was about ten years old that I suddenly saw my relationship with his father through my child’s eyes.  I also began seeing similar, disrespectful traits of his fathers being directed towards me.  I then began to have visions of my son as a man having his head bashed in by fellow convicts in prison for beating, raping, or otherwise harming his future girlfriend or wife because of his own indoctrination into domestically violent  relationships.  Imagining my ten year old son in prison, turning out to be like his father, was more than I was willing to accept.  So, I finally left.

In a short amount of time, I found myself trying to raise a teenage boy into a man.  I can’t say for sure if my efforts paid off, but my son has graduated from high school, and looks forward to going to college.  He has four best friends that always have his back.  The most important thing of all, however, is that he finally found a steady girlfriend.  Amazingly, I had a chance to witness the difference that my leaving my son’s father has made in his life.  My son, unlike his father, is kind and respectful to his girlfriend.  I see NO traits of his father’s in him as far as being a cheater, a liar, a drug addict, or abuser of others.  In fact, when my son comes home from visiting his father, he is quite aware of their differences, and can proudly point them out

Suffice it to say, Stephanie, the choice is yours.  Are you willing to allow your children to be raised by a monster so that they can become monsters themselves?  Again, I don’t know you or if you truly are a battered woman.  I suspect you are.  It makes no sense that you would even for one second become involved with a domestic violence shelter unless you were scared and being violated in some way.  It also makes absolute zero sense that the battered women’s shelter employees would simply make up some story about a woman named Stephanie Lizon who has bruises, burns and other evidence of torture by her husband.  To consider these shelter employees are lying about your brief involvement with their facility is insanity.  I ask myself what do these people have to gain in wrongfully persecuting you and your husband?  The answer is that they have nothing to gain whatsoever.  It is not like they somehow need to find enough battered women to fill their beds.  It is probably exactly the opposite……they don’t have enough beds!

I pray that you find the strength to leave- if for no other reason than teaching your children NOT to be abusers/abused themselves when they are adults in their own relationships.