So Tired…….

I’m sorry I haven’t been around in a while.  I haven’t been feeling particularly inspired to write.  Not that there isn’t a whole lot of material in the world worth writing about, but, I just haven’t been feeling very well.  Really tired.  I think it’s a side effect of the PTSD.

When I finally found my safe haven, I let the walls come down.  Now that the walls are down and my inner dialogue is no longer moving at warp speed like voices on helium, I can hear what they say more easily.  “Ssshhh….it’s okay now.  You need to sleep.  You haven’t slept more than 2 hours a day, for almost 40 years.  It’s okay to take rest now and then.”  If I don’t rest, my body tells me so.  This is the aftermath of trauma.  Feeling like you can sleep for 40 years.  Just like Rip Van Winkle.

YEEZUS…….What Was I thinking!!!???

So I read about Kanye West’s quarter mill payout to the young man who hurled meanies at Kim Kardashian and got a beat down from Kanye for it.  Gee…..Yeezus…..can you be any more stupid?  I wish you’d come near me so that I too can do or say something to “make” you lose your cool and hit me.  I’d  more than a quarter mill, I can tell you that.

Understanding and Identifying Dissociation in Children and Adults

bump ;>)

Purposefully Scarred

Hidden Hurt explains how dissociation occurs in children:

The unconscious is like a great holding area or reservoir of unprocessed events. Anything we don’t or can’t assimilate consciously goes there. The unconscious holds irrelevant things such as images of strangers we see on the street. It also holds important things that need to be brought into conscious awareness but may be too big to fit our existing system (conscious mind). There are times when people are unable to fully assimilate the significance of an overwhelming experience such as a car accident. One of the passengers calmly calls an ambulance, administers first aid, and reroutes oncoming traffic. Once the ambulance arrives, she falls apart and cries hysterically. In order to take care of the immediate priorities, she dissociated her feelings and emotions temporarily. The dissociation allowed her to break up the oversized experience into manageable pieces. These were assimilated as soon…

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With a little help from my dad

This deserves a push……..

14thgradenothing

This will cause me to no longer be anonymous but I don’t know what else to do..
Please help me spread this…

For your reading pleasure babe

If you are driving when you get this, PLEASE answer when it is safe
Sent by Skip’s I Phone

Begin forwarded message:

From: Skip Sage
Date: March 5, 2013, 1:22:40 PM EST
To: court.administration.seminole@flcourts18.org
Subject: I NEED Help please

To Whom it concerns,

My name is Bernard P. Sage. I am the father of Denise E Anderson Sage. Denise is has been in the process of divorcing her husband Eric C Anderson for nearly 2 years now. The proceeding is being presided over by Judge Schoonover.

There are 4 minor girls, my grand daughters involved in this mess. The oldest is 14 and the youngest is 8. I need some assistance because every time that my daughter appears before Judge Linda Schoonover, she…

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Magical Thinking………..

Certain people I have interacted with throughout my life will swear on a stack of bibles that I made them mad at me or jealous.  Because I’ve made them feel this way, they scream at me, and hit me.  What an awesome POWER it is to be able to MAKE people feel and do ANYTHING I WANT!  Hmmmmm………does anybody know how to get a hold of Bill Gates?  Maybe I can MAKE him feel generous and he’ll break me off a bill or two.
Seriously?  How about you manage your feelings, and I’ll manage mine?  If we do this, and we are both coming from a place of kindness, caring, and respect, how can we go wrong?  I think I just solved the problem of world peace.

child sees violence

……and I’ll grow up  to repeat it because it’s all I ever learned from you.  I too will believe that others can magically make me do things.  It’s not my fault that I hit my little sister.  She made mad when she broke my favorite toy. Like YOU made daddy mad when YOU burned dinner last night.

teen violence

When I’m a bit older, it will be my girlfriend’s fault that she made me so jealous that I hit her after she talked to a boy in her class.  She said he only wanted homework notes- but I KNOW she lies because I KNOW what she is thinking.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Now that I’m a man, and supposed to be in charge, my family makes me so mad sometimes.  I don’t know which way is up, or down, or who controls who.  All I know is that I’m supposed to be in control, but they are making me do these things, which means I’m not really in control and that makes me very, very mad.  It’s also because of HER that I drink.  I drink because she makes me mad AND jealous.  She makes me cheat on her because she never wants to have sex anymore.  I wonder constantly if she is cheating because if she doesn’t want to have sex with me, then it must be someone else she is doing it with.  Sometimes I hit the kids too because I get frustrated and angry at their constant need for attention and demanding cries.  It’s always about them, what they need and want, and I am ignored yet again.  I hate that she has to spend so much time worrying about them, when she should be making me happy like mom did with dad.

This is a typical story and mentality for a person who grows up to be domineering and abusive towards others.  This is because these people, men and women alike, grow up in abusive homes that have most likely been perpetuated for generations.  The time has come for parents to come to terms with their pasts, so that they don’t perpetuate the violence and mental illnesses (magical thinking) onto the next generation of impressionable kids.  These abusers all have one thing in common.  They have magical thinking disorder and believe others MAKE them feel and act in certain ways.  The magical thinking needs to stop at some point, folks.  Usually it stops about the time one realizes Santa Claus is really just our parents!

Again-  If we are both coming from our own individual feelings of kindness, compassion, and respect for others, how can we go wrong?  To want or accept anything else is REAL mental illness .

Who’s crazy………………?

On Quoting Scriptures

If you have read my blogs regarding my experiences with the Catholic Church, you know by now that I am NOT religious.  However- I am very spiritual and I do believe in Jesus Christ and his teachings.  As such, I try to use scriptures and the Lord’s role model as an example of how to think and live.

Conversely, I am also not perfect.  Far from it.  From time to time I have been jealous, resentful, angry……..and well…….you get the picture.  That said, it is possible that you the reader will not always agree with what I have to say.  If ever you disagree, I would love to hear your side and welcome any intelligent debate.