Magical Thinking………..

Certain people I have interacted with throughout my life will swear on a stack of bibles that I made them mad at me or jealous.  Because I’ve made them feel this way, they scream at me, and hit me.  What an awesome POWER it is to be able to MAKE people feel and do ANYTHING I WANT!  Hmmmmm………does anybody know how to get a hold of Bill Gates?  Maybe I can MAKE him feel generous and he’ll break me off a bill or two.
Seriously?  How about you manage your feelings, and I’ll manage mine?  If we do this, and we are both coming from a place of kindness, caring, and respect, how can we go wrong?  I think I just solved the problem of world peace.

child sees violence

……and I’ll grow up  to repeat it because it’s all I ever learned from you.  I too will believe that others can magically make me do things.  It’s not my fault that I hit my little sister.  She made mad when she broke my favorite toy. Like YOU made daddy mad when YOU burned dinner last night.

teen violence

When I’m a bit older, it will be my girlfriend’s fault that she made me so jealous that I hit her after she talked to a boy in her class.  She said he only wanted homework notes- but I KNOW she lies because I KNOW what she is thinking.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Now that I’m a man, and supposed to be in charge, my family makes me so mad sometimes.  I don’t know which way is up, or down, or who controls who.  All I know is that I’m supposed to be in control, but they are making me do these things, which means I’m not really in control and that makes me very, very mad.  It’s also because of HER that I drink.  I drink because she makes me mad AND jealous.  She makes me cheat on her because she never wants to have sex anymore.  I wonder constantly if she is cheating because if she doesn’t want to have sex with me, then it must be someone else she is doing it with.  Sometimes I hit the kids too because I get frustrated and angry at their constant need for attention and demanding cries.  It’s always about them, what they need and want, and I am ignored yet again.  I hate that she has to spend so much time worrying about them, when she should be making me happy like mom did with dad.

This is a typical story and mentality for a person who grows up to be domineering and abusive towards others.  This is because these people, men and women alike, grow up in abusive homes that have most likely been perpetuated for generations.  The time has come for parents to come to terms with their pasts, so that they don’t perpetuate the violence and mental illnesses (magical thinking) onto the next generation of impressionable kids.  These abusers all have one thing in common.  They have magical thinking disorder and believe others MAKE them feel and act in certain ways.  The magical thinking needs to stop at some point, folks.  Usually it stops about the time one realizes Santa Claus is really just our parents!

Again-  If we are both coming from our own individual feelings of kindness, compassion, and respect for others, how can we go wrong?  To want or accept anything else is REAL mental illness .

Who’s crazy………………?

Darwin’s Theory of Evolution

There are some that believe bullying and aggressive behaviors against others are merely Darwin’s theory of evolution in effect.  In a nutshell? I understand this philosophy to broadly mean that people of advantage are more evolved than people of disadvantage.

Personally, my theory of evolution and survival of the fittest are based on the intangible.  In a nutshell?  Evolution on an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual level are more accurate to what the true meaning of evolution should be.

Emotionally- we should feel compassion and empathy for others.  Intellectually- we should strive to learn where we are ignorant or uninformed.  Spiritually- we should realize that the human race is very, very, VERY small in that not a single person alive is any “bigger” or “better” than the other in the grand scope of the UNIVERSE.

If a person can’t evolve past the point of bullying, aggression, and other primitive behaviors then they are little more than a neanderthal.  We all know what happened to neanderthals.  They went the way of dinosaurs and other extinct species………

Open Letter To Stephanie Lizon

It is true, I don’t know you.  But, if what I read in the news about you is true -that you are a battered woman- I can relate.  I spent nearly twenty years (during the prime of my life) with men who were violent.  That said, I can understand the fear and insecurity you feel if your situation is in any way similar to mine.

As is the case with many battered women, I had a child with my last abuser.  As is the case with many battered women, I thought that if I stayed my son’s father, my son would have the advantage of living in a two parent home.   This way of thinking had been indoctrinated in me to believe that a child stood the best chance in life by having two parents.  It was when my son was about ten years old that I suddenly saw my relationship with his father through my child’s eyes.  I also began seeing similar, disrespectful traits of his fathers being directed towards me.  I then began to have visions of my son as a man having his head bashed in by fellow convicts in prison for beating, raping, or otherwise harming his future girlfriend or wife because of his own indoctrination into domestically violent  relationships.  Imagining my ten year old son in prison, turning out to be like his father, was more than I was willing to accept.  So, I finally left.

In a short amount of time, I found myself trying to raise a teenage boy into a man.  I can’t say for sure if my efforts paid off, but my son has graduated from high school, and looks forward to going to college.  He has four best friends that always have his back.  The most important thing of all, however, is that he finally found a steady girlfriend.  Amazingly, I had a chance to witness the difference that my leaving my son’s father has made in his life.  My son, unlike his father, is kind and respectful to his girlfriend.  I see NO traits of his father’s in him as far as being a cheater, a liar, a drug addict, or abuser of others.  In fact, when my son comes home from visiting his father, he is quite aware of their differences, and can proudly point them out

Suffice it to say, Stephanie, the choice is yours.  Are you willing to allow your children to be raised by a monster so that they can become monsters themselves?  Again, I don’t know you or if you truly are a battered woman.  I suspect you are.  It makes no sense that you would even for one second become involved with a domestic violence shelter unless you were scared and being violated in some way.  It also makes absolute zero sense that the battered women’s shelter employees would simply make up some story about a woman named Stephanie Lizon who has bruises, burns and other evidence of torture by her husband.  To consider these shelter employees are lying about your brief involvement with their facility is insanity.  I ask myself what do these people have to gain in wrongfully persecuting you and your husband?  The answer is that they have nothing to gain whatsoever.  It is not like they somehow need to find enough battered women to fill their beds.  It is probably exactly the opposite……they don’t have enough beds!

I pray that you find the strength to leave- if for no other reason than teaching your children NOT to be abusers/abused themselves when they are adults in their own relationships.

Food For Thought

As a pacifist, I completely and absolutely abhor violence.  I believe loving and peaceful traits are inherent in every human being at birth.    I also believe that children have an inherent eagerness to please and learn from the adults in their lives that they love and look up to.  Because children inherently possess these natural qualities, it is imperative they be treated patiently and respectfully in consideration of their impressionable and immature developing personalities.  Unfortunately, inherent positive qualities deteriorate due to the negative environment that they are raised in.  Taking genetic  predisposition into consideration:  Childhood is the critical period in a person’s life  when empathy and healthy boundaries develop- or mental illness first begins to manifest.

child sees violence

Considering this philosophy, it should come as no surprise that the generous and pleasant child is the child that receives respect and kindness from the adults in her life.  It should also come as no surprise that the child who is selfish and bullying is the child that is neglected and bullied by the adults in his life.  Bad qualities like selfishness, cruelty, intolerance, bigotry, greed and rudeness are all learned behavior at the hands of others when one is most impressionable and eager to learn.

school bullies

If our world is going to change, then we all need to BE the change we want to see.  This means that from this moment on we must exhibit selflessness, generosity, compassion, and kindness towards each other and the environment.  In simple terms, if our children witness greed- they will be greedy.  If our children witness cruelty- they will be cruel.  If our children witness bigotry- they will be bigots themselves.  On the other hand, if our children witness caring and open minds- their minds will be open to endless possibilities and they will have a chance to their lives to fullest potential.

domestic violence

In order to made a positive difference in the world we don’t need to look towards guns, or drugs, or other inanimate scapegoats to societies problems.  We need to look to the source of societies problems where it begins and ends- mental illness.  At the root, mental illness is a disorder of being dis-at ease.  This dis-at ease comes in the form of depression, anxiety, narcissism, and worse, lack of empathy for others.

office bullies

Lack of empathy is at the root of every pathological personality disorder.  The person who lacks empathy is the greedy person who lets others starve, ignores the plight of the homeless, turns a blind eye to the most vulnerable and marginalized in society.  Lack of empathy is manifested in the man who treats his wife as a possession, is manifested in the parent who slaps their child, is manifested in the child who bullies another child.  Lack of empathy is the person who not only ignores the obvious pain of others, worse, he contributes to the suffering.

how violence starts